Down Week

Kung Fu is progressing slowly. I’m so out of shape that I tend to go to one class and then mess myself up so badly that I can’t make the next one (I go Thurs/Sat – I haven’t made a Saturday class all month). The previous class was tolerable, we worked control moves (Chin-na) which is how to get out of various holds. I was working against a guy a lot bigger than me so it was a workout. My wrists were sore afterward but there was no “OMG I can’t walk I have to take a week off” like I’ve been feeling. We did do some pretty strenuous abdominal exercises so my middle was pretty tender for a couple of days. I skipped Saturday mostly because of the weather.

I’ve been running semi-regularly, have started week 2 of C25K, and it’s going fairly well. The true triumph here is that I’m able to get myself to run in the 25 degree mornings, but I’ve managed to find a clothing combination that keeps me quite warm. If you know me personally, you’ve got to be pretty damn impressed. (Of course, Target is no longer carrying the fleece sweatshirt that keeps me warmer than any shirt I’ve ever had – I discovered this when I eagerly went back for another sweatshirt. Of course they don’t have sweaters, it’s fucking bikini season.) Yesterday I was in a bad mood and was confused by the UI of my C25K iPhone app (yeah, yeah, I know…) and so tried to run my own approximation of the program, which made me overdo it, but I still ran, at least.  This is helping to get me in shape for kung fu as well, working on my endurance.

It’s been tough this week, as I got hit with a small wave of depression. On Tuesday and Wednesday I wanted to do nothing more but sit around in jammies and nap or fight monsters. I had no energy – physical or mental – for anything. My confidence was in the toilet. Yesterday around noon I made myself run, which was a good thing, and got some stuff done in the afternoon, but I was pretty zonked last night. I don’t know what’s behind this depression; nothing has happened. This just happens to me on occasion; I get the symptoms I was treated for back in ’04. I’m still on my depression meds, and sometimes I don’t take them at the right time (I was sloppy over the weekend), which can cause a ripple effect a couple of days later. That’s what I’m blaming this on, anyway. Once I get my body used to the meds at the right time again, I should be doing better.

Today I’m feeling a bit better, a little more energy, a little more confidence. Which is good, as I have kung fu tonight. It’s been shown what happens to me when I go into class with no energy (to be fair, we had a pretty strenuous class that day.) I also have a deadline tomorrow. Whoops.

I have nothing to report, I’m just updating the blog on what I’ve been up to. Some people are very honest on their blogs, others are “business only.” I guess I find myself somewhere in the middle. Right now I’m doing a lot of thinking about my writing, my future, and the other work I do. Hell, maybe it’s just the low light. I guess it’s good I’m getting out to run, at least I get sunshine that way.

I’ve entered stream of consciousness mode. Time to quit now.

Tags: confidence, depression, kung fu, Running

Category: Personal