The News From Poughkeepsie - Day 9

April 30th, 2008 • Related • Filed Under

We get local baptists coming by our door frequently. It always annoys me when they come to my house to tell me I’m a sinner and need to accept Christ. The latest time they invited me to their church and I thought, AH HA! I have an out! I already go to church! So I said that. And the woman said, “oh, that’s wonderful. And have you accepted Jesus Christ as your savior?”

I shut the door.

They remind me of the time I was at Dartmouth for Jim’s college reunion and saw some people on the river doing a kayak lesson. Someone else was there with a young black lab, and was throwing sticks into the river for her to fetch. After playing fetch for a while they took a break and watched the kayak lesson. But every time the guy would tip the kayak to demonstrate how to roll over, the dog would charge into the water to rescue him. He’d come up and see a wet black nose in his face. He’d assure her that he was fine, she’d return to shore, and then it would all happen again.

Hey local baptists. To you, I’m drowning. But I promise: I’m OK.

And besides. If Jesus wanted to get in touch with me, He has my email address. Unless my spam filter catches Him.

Hm. What if your god finally contacts you, only to be considered spam?

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There Are 5 Responses So Far. »

  1. Comment by Brad P. from NJ on 30 April 2008:

    Awesome. I’d hope that if Jesus returned that he’d have hacker skillz and be able to get by my spam filter. Hmmmm… what header would be in an email from a god?

  2. Comment by Clair on 30 April 2008:

    If the god is worth its salt, it should know how to get around the spam filters.

  3. Comment by Teltum on 1 May 2008:

    This is a rhetorical question. Like does a tree make a sound if it falls in the forest and no one is around.

    What if Jesus worte it on the bathroom mirror in red lipstick after a night of heavy drinking. And you wiped it off with a peice of single-ply toilet paper.

  4. Comment by Mark Maris on 13 May 2008:

    A variation on this has been done in the “Oh God” films.

    In the original, Jerry Landers (played by John Denver of all people), thought the old guy (George Burns) was a nut job. Until he demonstrated a few miracles.

    Great line: “It’s true. People have trouble remembering My Words. Moses had such a bad memory I had to give him tablets.”

    (IMHO, one of the finest commentaries ever made on organized religion. :-) )

  5. Pingback by The Unseen God « Scribbling Words on 16 July 2008:

    [...] The News From Poughkeepsie - Day 9 : The Murverse. [...]

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